Just got in from a garden party with the parents of my Godchild at which I met an attractive woman who swore her sister had video-interviewed Banksy in 2002 & was going through the hoops about revealing his identity. As I have spent the best part of this year taking a couple of his paintings off walls for clients I have no respect for whatsoever (true) I recommend she keeps schtum despite the obvious financial benefits. A couple of days pass. Consciousness is regained outside a massive warehouse somewhere in North London. I am in the foyer (sorry, was brought up in a time when that word meant something) waiting for the bull-necked penguin to let me in. I casually pick up a newspaper as the penguin gets onna blowa. Article on page 6 declaring 'Banksy's Identity Revealed' & a forthcoming 'fuck-it' party at the venue outside which I am now standing.
I wonder...I am half-cut, watching Mr Banks give instructions to student labourers cutting & bagging vast quantities of pills & cocaine in a sweatroom usually manned by Primark over the working week. He approaches me, an unfamiliar bonce inside his inner circle & we discuss my Russian submarine corps watch to which he has taken a fancy. Banks is wearing a Wurzel-stylee white smock & has earlobes that rest upon his shoulders. I comment on these. We laugh heartily as I exit room searching for the smallest one. My colleague Bianca approaches me in a state of distress : "Egg", quoth she, "I am pregnant, oh woe is me." I calm her down with a can of Relentless & kind words. "No, you don't understand, the baby is Banksy's & now that he is outed it can never be the same again..." I am thrown by this revelation but out of consideration I offer up a portion of my wine cellar as temporary creche which, out of consideration, she refuses. She is a true friend...
2 comments:
Fucking hell. That's sent my bloody eyes wappy, has that. I've lines in front of my vision, lines. I've 'alf a mind to sue you over this.
Anyway, I thought you was borrowin' bastards off of me? If you don't want 'em, I'll gladly take 'em back, you bastard.
Ah, Mr Perry... If you remember, I paid up front for two bastards (DOH!) & was planning to invest them offshore for use at a later date. How & when I choose to spend my bastards (DOH!) is entirely up to me, don't you think? However, as it appears I've pissed on me chips already I was wondering if I could purchase a couple more..?
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